Heaven and Hell
Chapter 1

Morning sunshine was filtering through the thin rice paper walls as consciousness seeped into Kaoru’s fuzzy brain. Opening one eye, she scanned the room, confused as to where she was. “This isn’t my room! Where the heck am I?!?!” As her mind began to become more focused, she noticed another human presence at her back, and an arm around her waist. Her back stiffening, she prepared to scream. “Wait! I remember now! It’s only Kenshin you baka! I can’t believe I forgot!” At this thought Kaoru at least had the good grace to blush.

“Oh, this is so embarrassing! I have got to go to the bathroom REALLY bad!” Kaoru began to quietly edge off the futon, trying not to wake the still sleeping Kenshin. With a soft sigh he tightened his grip around her waist and began to snore softly. “Kenshin…SNORES? I can’t believe I never knew! Well, we can fix that really quick!” Turning, Kaoru picked up her pillow, preparing to smother the poor, innocent rurouni, when she stopped dead at what she saw. One of Kenshin’s arms was still around her waist, but the other was coddling his Sakabatou close to his chest.

This set Kaoru into one of her usual furies, Kenshin her unwitting target. Prepared to strike, she suddenly remembered why she was in such a hurry to leave in the first place (Lucky Kenshin!). With muttered threats she decided revenge could wait till later. “I’ll let him get away with it this time, but things are gonna change!”

Finally deciding to just remove his arm and get up, she manages to make a little progress when Kenshin wakes without her noticing. In a very sleepy but playful mood, he moves to put his face in hers, not realizing what kind of mood SHE is in. Poor Kenshin! “Ohayou, de goza-“

“AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Kenshin no baka!” She shrieked is his face. With a very powerful right hook she sends him flying against the wall! “Oroorororo…” Running out of the room for the bathroom, she left a swirly- eyed Kenshin wondering what the heck he did wrong. If he was even able to think, that is. Probably not!



* * * *

Kaoru was returning across the yard from her pit stop when a very unwelcome voice calls out from the porch. “Oi, Jo-Chan!” greeted Sano cheerfully. He and Yahiko were both outside, Sano lounging while Yahiko strangely enough was sweeping quietly, his back to Sano and Kaoru. He continued with an evil grin. “You were in such a hurry a while ago you didn’t even see me! What were you doing in Kenshin’s room so early in the morning? About time you two finally figured out how…” BAM! A bokken, amazingly pulled out of nowhere, was broken over the top of his head, the owner of the wooden sword seething. “What are you doing here anyway? If you came by just for breakfast, forget it!”

“Of course not, Jo-chan, would I do that? Wait, don’t answer that! Anyway, I didn’t come by this morning, I’ve been here since last night.” Kaoru stared at him in horror. “You…you…you mean you were here? Last night?” Sano rolled his eyes, which then took on a devilish gleam. “Can I say it any plainer? I know EVERYTHING!” (A flash of light, and we then find Sano laying outside the dojo wall, a huge lump on his head, possibly a few broken bones)

Dusting off her hands, Kaoru turns to find Yahiko’s back still to her, not taking any part in the teasing and the following fight. Realizing how strange this behavior is, she walked over to him. “Yahiko? Is something wrong? Why won’t you look at me or talk to me? Call me busu? SOMETHING!” Yahiko continued to sweep. “TALK TO ME WHY DON’T YOU!” She screamed in frustration at his silence.

Yahiko finally turned around, revealing a VERY red face and a guilty expression. Stuttering, he answered “I…that is…you know that…THE WALLS ARE ONLY MADE OF STUPID RICE PAPER YOU KNOW! I HEARD EVERYTHING! Jeez, I’ve never been so embarrassed in my entire life!” He once again turned his back to Kaoru, who looked like she had been carved of stone.

“Mou! Everyone around here is out to get me!” She muttered once she could move again. “Maybe I would be better off getting out of here for a while. Away from these…these…MEN!” With more carefully edited out exclamations, she stomps out of the dojo and past Sano who was still hanging around, waiting for her to leave. She was so angry she didn’t even see him, to his vast relief.

“Oi, Yahiko! Have you seen Kenshin? We ought to congratulate him for finally being a man! I was beginning to wonder about him. After all, he does like to do laundry.” Still laughing, he walked to the door of Kenshin’s room and listened, but heard nothing. “What’s he doing in there?” Yahiko joined him in listening and still nothing. Carefully they slid open the door and peeked in, collapsing at what they saw. Kenshin was sitting in front of a mirror talking to himself and peering closely at his face. His violet eyes were wide with concern and worry. “What could have scared Kaoru so much? Is it my messy hair in the morning? Iie, it’s always messy. Does sessha have bad morning breath?” Recovering, the pair closed the door and looked at each other, sweatdrops and all. Sano looked grim. “Love does strange things to a man…”

* * * *

After much deliberation and even more fuming, Kaoru had finally calmed down and was headed to see Tae at the restaurant. She wanted to talk to someone about what had happened, and that someone HAD to be a woman. And she knew, after all the times Tae had tried to set her up with Kenshin, she would be ecstatic. “She’ll probably be patting herself on the back for a job well done, like any of her schemes actually WORKED…”

She was so deep in thought she failed to notice Megumi on the other side of the bridge she was crossing. “Kaoru-san! Just the person I wanted to see!” Yelled the lady doctor gleefully. Never a good sign. “Ohayou, Megumi-san.” Kaoru greeted politely. “What did you want to see me for?”

Fox ears immediately popped up on top of Megumi’s head, and she laughed like no one else ever could. An even worse sign. “Oh-hohohoho! Did you know I talked to Sano-san last night?” At this point Kaoru was praying for the end of the world, ANYTHING, because she just knew where this conversation was going. “No, I didn’t know, but I am not surprised either!” She gritted out from teeth clenched close to breaking point.

One of Megumi’s telling smiles appeared, fox ears still firmly in place. “If I had only known, Kaoru-san, I would have been more than happy to give you some advice. There are certain things I am sure you didn’t know.” Turning very red, Kaoru stammered “We…well, its such an embarrassing topic, and…and its true I never really knew what that was for, demo…” She came to a sudden, grinding halt, looking very shocked. “MEGUMI-SAN! You shouldn’t know about such stuff either! How could you give me advice?!?!”

“Oh-hohohoho! I am a doctor, and everyone knows a doctor should know the male and female anatomy thoroughly! But I suppose it’s too late now for any advice. I am just relieved you two finally got somewhere! I was really beginning to worry about Kenshin…” With a shrug and a quick goodbye to a rarely silent (and still very red) Kaoru, Megumi went on her merry way, as always leaving destruction in her wake.

* * * *

Kaoru had never felt so paranoid in her entire life. No bad guy could ever strike fear into her heart and send cold chills down her spine like the looks she has been receiving ever since her conversation with Megumi. Everywhere she turned, people would stop and whisper when she passed. Some would even smile and wink. Did the WHOLE TOWN know about this? She knew Sano loved to torture her, but this was too much. The man was worse about gossiping than any woman could ever be! She was on the verge of turning around and heading back to the dojo when a familiar voice stopped her. “This is MUCH worse than Megumi-san!”

“Kamiya-san.” The smell of cigarette smoke burned her nose. “Strange seeing you here. I thought you’d still be at home with your little Battousai.” Kaoru turned to see Saitou leaning against a wall, the ever- present cigarette in his mouth. “Correction, his BIG mouth.”

Plastering a very insincere smile on her face, she responded “I suppose you talked to Sano too? I thought you two hated each other.” He shrugged and flicked some ashes to the ground. “No, I haven’t talked to him. Tokio heard from a friend who’s uncle learned it from a cousin who's mother is good friends with a girl who works with a friend of yours at a restaurant who talked to Sagara-san. I forget the details.” Kaoru sweatdropped. “I never pegged you as the gossiping type.”

“I don’t gossip. It is just my business to learn all I can about my enemy, even about his boring little not-so-private life. You realize the Battousai is so well known and so many people take and interest that even the weasel girl in Kyoto has probably heard by now.” He smirked. “I guess it is a good thing. I was beginning to wonder about him. Tokio and I will be sure to send you a wedding gift – if he lives that long.”

New gossip was started that day when for the first time ever, people found Saitou lying unconscious in the middle of the street, beaten to a pulp by a woman. Isn’t life ironic? I guess Kaoru will have to protect Kenshin from Saitou now, if he ever manages to get back on his feet. His last words before he passed out were “Tokio will avenge me…” ^_^ (I have nothing against Saitou, but the image of her getting the better of him is very hilarious to me)

* * * *

“Mou! What a horrible, horrible day. I never even got to talk to Tae! I could really use a hot bath.” A very defeated Kaoru had arrived back at the dojo, after finally giving up on her mission. Everyone seemed to know anyway, so what was the point? “Still, after everything that’s happened, Kenshin is worth it.” With that one thought perking her up, she yelled out a greeting as she entered the gate. Yahiko, Sano, and Kenshin were all on the porch. But Kenshin was acting a little funny. He came up to her with a normal greeting, seemingly happy to see her, but…the whole time he kept one hand covering his mouth. Sano and Yahiko were doubled over laughing, obviously knowing something she didn’t.

“Ano, Kenshin? Is something wrong? Why do you have your hand like that?” Was even he out to drive her crazy today? “Iie, sessha is fine. I prepared a hot bath for you while you were gone.” Still the same cheerful, smiling rurouni he always was. Well, at least she thought he was smiling. It was kind of hard to say with the hand blocking his mouth. “KENSHIN NO BAKA, tell me the truth! What are you doing?!?!” With a half fearful, half- embarrassed look, he finally decides it would be best to answer. “Well, sessha thought maybe you ran out so fast this morning because of my bad breath.”

Not expecting that answer, Kaoru busts out laughing as well, joining the two who were still laughing on the porch. “Of course not! I just had to go to the bathroom! (BAM!) Not that that is any of your business!” Swirly eyed again, all he could manage was a simple “Hai!”

“You know, I needed that laugh. I have had a really awful day, but who cares anymore. So everyone knows every single little private thing we do! I still finally got Kenshin in the bargain didn’t I? Maybe I will take that hot bath.” She got a sly look in her eyes. “Do you want to join me Kenshin?”

(Gulp!) “Oro?!?!” Happily dragging Kenshin off to the bath, Sano and Yahiko manage to catch one last comment as her voice faded. “I let you get away with it once, but tonight I have OTHER idea’s about what your gonna do with that sakabatou of yours…” With shocked looks at each other, (Yay! Someone actually shocked Sano!) they both said at the same time, “I don’t think I want to know!”

To the next Chapter